The mind does not know when you are speaking the truth as it is or you are talking about what you wish were happening. To the mind it is just chatter. It is just as easy to see yourself and the members of your family having positive character traits as to dwell on the failure and disappointment. What you focus on, you get more of. Shift your mindless chatter to good thoughts and look for the positive traits.
When you reflect back to people who disappointed you in their choices and you worry, stew, and fret about unchangeable circumstances, you are setting up a continual loop of negative self-talk. It takes no more effort to see a positive picture and the end result is more uplifting. You will find more information on catastrophic thinking in the chapter on emotions in the book Out of Balance? Be a Bounce Back Person.
Focus on the best in others, because they really are competent, worthy of your love and respect, when you strip away their anger, fears and insecurities. This allows them the freedom and opportunity to rise to your expectations.
Feedback Not Criticism
By operating from love and gratitude you will begin to see their mistakes as temporary indiscretions or mistakes, not personal attacks on you and your values.
When you correct others (and yourself) focus on the behavior not on the character. Today your son may have taken money from the top of your dresser and it is a fact that the money is gone. The money is missing and he took it, but that does not mean he is a thief. It simply means it is time to teach lessons on respecting other people’s property and resisting temptation.
Basically, he is a good kid and knows that it was wrong. Tell him that he is expected to return the money with interest or mow the lawn for a month to repay the money or some discipline to teach about making better choices.
Stick to your guns and insist that he correct the mistake. Do not make him the mistake. If you call him a thief, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. He will work hard to make that label fit.
It is just as easy to imagine and reinforce positive character traits in yourself and those you care about. If you see your daughter being bossy and criticize her for being so, she becomes resentful and you become a nag. If you can say “You are an amazing leader; let me help you to help yourself in finding ways to channel your talent in helping in the community.”
Just as nurturing and nursing a baby will help the physical body to grow and develop, so will nurturing the spirit. Part of your destiny includes helping others to reach theirs.
- Do you recognize how negative labels can become self-fulfilling prophecies?
- What do you do to encourage others and yourself?
- What is the difference between feedback and criticism?
Thank you for sharing your feedback and comments. You are invited to claim your eBook at http://www.bouncebackperson.com You will be very glad you did. You may copy this article for use in a blog or classroom. Please give credit to Judy H. Wright and Artichoke Press.com