Feeling Empowered – Difficult Co-workers
Do you have a difficult co-worker? Is there someone at work who is just a pain in the neck? Do they whine, complain, not do their share of work, or have habits that are annoying?
If a neighbor was exhibiting the behavior, we could shut our door, or build a fence or learn to get along with them. If our child were being difficult, we would try to teach and model better behavior. If it was a friend or associate, we could make choices about continuing the friendship or set boundaries that would be more acceptable.
Hard Wired Emotions
Research at University of California has revealed that no matter what culture we live in, we are all “hard wired” for only 6 emotions:
What this research has to do with a difficult co-worker is that acceptance and respect are not part of who we are. Those emotions and feelings are ones that we have to work on by practicing and absorbing them into our core beings.
Difficult People Still Need Friends
Working and cooperating with someone who has never experienced being loved or wanted unconditionally is often very difficult. I call that re-parenting. It is the ability to empower the person to see that they are indeed loveable and have much to contribute to the world.
Many times people who act inappropriate or lack social skills need to be guided (gently) into more appropriate ways of action.
The kindest thing you can do for a difficult co-worker is to model mature behavior. When you set boundaries and act in an assertive (not aggressive or passive) way, you assist them to learn new ways of feeling important.
I have been involved in situations where personal power has been traded for acceptance and peace at any cost. This is not fair to any of the participants.
You give your power away when you doubt yourself or try to make everyone happy. You are entitled to your own truth and boundaries.
Often the very things that irritate us about other people are characteristics we have in our own personalities. The talent for getting along with other people by exercising compassion, forgiveness and cooperation will go a long way in making a more harmonious workplace.
Self Awareness Quiz
- If someone is being difficult, can you say “That doesn’t work for me” in a firm voice?
- Will you address the problem directly with the difficult person, rather than talking behind their back?
- Will you recognize that you do not have the power to change others, who are being difficult, only your reaction to them?
You are welcome to use this article in your blog or ezine, but please give credit to Judy Helm Wright @ http://www.ArtichokePress.com