Watch a family in the grocery store with a cute little toddler and everyone smiles and loves the baby.  When he is throwing a tantrum and screaming, not so much.

It is amazing the wonderful lessons we learn when watching a baby learn to adapt to this world.  A baby is the most responsive and rewarding pupil you will ever have and he can do so much to teach you. You will be both a teacher and a pupil.  He wants to do more, explore, touch, feel, smell, taste, hear, and see everything in his environment.

Initially, the most important people in a baby’s life are the one or two who most consistently look after him.

Babies learn not just from caregivers, but from older siblings and extended families.

In most cases, this is the parents.  In other words, you are the most important teacher your child will ever have, just as he is your most important pupil.  It is important to limit the number of caregivers so the baby forms strong attachments with primary caregivers.

Those of us who have loving people in our life to help us learn critical thinking skills are very fortunate.  We feel valued, empowered and much more open to stretching to the limits. It is as if we have been handed a huge gift of courage.

That is my definition of encouragement.  We are not afraid to take risks, because we know we are loved unconditionally and accepted for who and what we are. Our relationship with caring adults is not based on how well we perform, obey or make someone else happy.  It is a mutually empowering and respectful union.

Magic Moments of Infancy

We all love to associate and watch babies because they experience life through their senses.  We get to vicariously experience the world anew.  Through taste, sight, touch, sound, smell and hearing  we give them opportunities to stimulate their senses.

Early care has a lifelong impact on how our babies develop their ability to learn.

*****

In my training, it has been emphasized that there can be  harmful and long-lasting effects  on unborn babies and young children when they are are exposed to an environment in which  adults are using nicotine, alcohol, and/or mind-altering drugs. You will find many affordable and effective parent training guides at http://amzn.to/kindlebyjudy

**********

When babies make cooing sounds, we make cooing sounds in return.  When they smile, we smile and then they smile and it goes on and on. Our loving joy or job is to provide prompt response to his needs, consistent care and love. Hopefully, we will share opportunities for activities which will help move and develop muscles  including the brain..

When it is play time, provide a secure, loving relationship; affection, patience and encouragement of his constant activity. When it is food time, the caring adults are excited with each development step and we mirror their expressions of joy when tasting applesauce.

Read, Sing and Talk To Your Baby

We want to provide as rich an environment with as many positive social and learning opportunities as possible.  We want to stimulate those synapse associated with positive experiences to become a permanent part of the child’s brain.

In order to do that all caregivers will want to provide a secure, loving relationship which will include affection, patience and encouragement of his constant activity.  By reading, singing and talking to your baby you will give gently teaching rather than scolding or commands.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. When you see a baby or small child, do you automatically smile?
2. If you don’t have a baby or small child in your life, can you recognize how important the early development is for the brain?
3. Please remember how important mentors, angels and teachers are to young children. What can you do to strengthen families in your community?

Thanks for joining our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.  Please claim your free ebook on using encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com    You will be so glad you did.

Watch a family in the grocery store with a cute little toddler and everyone smiles and loves the baby.  When he is throwing a tantrum and screaming, not so much.

It is amazing the wonderful lessons we learn when watching a baby learn to adapt to this world.  A baby is the most responsive and rewarding pupil you will ever have and he can do so much to teach you. You will be both a teacher and a pupil.  He wants to do more, explore, touch, feel, smell, taste, hear, and see everything in his environment.

Initially, the most important people in a baby’s life are the one or two who most consistently look after him.

Babies learn not just from caregivers, but from older siblings and extended families.

In most cases, this is the parents.  In other words, you are the most important teacher your child will ever have, just as he is your most important pupil.  It is important to limit the number of caregivers so the baby forms strong attachments with primary caregivers.

Those of us who have loving people in our life to help us learn critical thinking skills are very fortunate.  We feel valued, empowered and much more open to stretching to the limits. It is as if we have been handed a huge gift of courage.

That is my definition of encouragement.  We are not afraid to take risks, because we know we are loved unconditionally and accepted for who and what we are. Our relationship with caring adults is not based on how well we perform, obey or make someone else happy.  It is a mutually empowering and respectful union.

Magic Moments of Infancy

We all love to associate and watch babies because they experience life through their senses.  We get to vicariously experience the world anew.  Through taste, sight, touch, sound, smell and hearing  we give them opportunities to stimulate their senses.

Early care has a lifelong impact on how our babies develop their ability to learn.

*****

In my training, it has been emphasized that there can be  harmful and long-lasting effects  on unborn babies and young children when they are are exposed to an environment in which  adults are using nicotine, alcohol, and/or mind-altering drugs. You will find many affordable and effective parent training guides at http://amzn.to/kindlebyjudy

**********

When babies make cooing sounds, we make cooing sounds in return.  When they smile, we smile and then they smile and it goes on and on. Our loving joy or job is to provide prompt response to his needs, consistent care and love. Hopefully, we will share opportunities for activities which will help move and develop muscles  including the brain..

When it is play time, provide a secure, loving relationship; affection, patience and encouragement of his constant activity. When it is food time, the caring adults are excited with each development step and we mirror their expressions of joy when tasting applesauce.

Read, Sing and Talk To Your Baby

We want to provide as rich an environment with as many positive social and learning opportunities as possible.  We want to stimulate those synapse associated with positive experiences to become a permanent part of the child’s brain.

In order to do that all caregivers will want to provide a secure, loving relationship which will include affection, patience and encouragement of his constant activity.  By reading, singing and talking to your baby you will give gently teaching rather than scolding or commands.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. When you see a baby or small child, do you automatically smile?
2. If you don’t have a baby or small child in your life, can you recognize how important the early development is for the brain?
3. Please remember how important mentors, angels and teachers are to young children. What can you do to strengthen families in your community?

Thanks for joining our community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all.  Please claim your free ebook on using encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com    You will be so glad you did.

You can be mistaken more than often in judging the security of your child within the comfort of the home. When engaging technology in almost every aspect of life, you inevitably increase vulnerability. The internet has brought a plethora of resources with its inevitable side effects.

Teaching manners and social skills to children

(c) Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke

Are you embarrassed when your teenager shovels his food, or your toddler eats with her fingers? What part do manners play in the social skills necessary to be a confident adult?

Manners have a purpose

People who behave in a polite way make life easier for everyone around them.  Etiquette and manners make human relationships more pleasant and provide for an acceptable way to communicate and interact with others.

Good manners show your consideration of other people and your desire to make them feel comfortable when they are with you.   Kids who show respect for the feelings of others are preferred playmates; and they are more often invited to homes of relatives and neighbors.  This is important because all children need a community of caring adults to help them reach their full potential.

Develop Respect

Parents and other caring adults teach respectful manners by modeling them on a daily basis.  To develop respectful children, adults must respect and listen to their concerns.  Teaching manners is a way to put respect into action.

Authentic respect for self and others is a learned behavior.  You can help your child develop good manners by setting the example, teaching them basic etiquette, and showing them what to do.

You will want to go to http://amzn.to/kindlebyjudy for affordable parenting books to help you teach social skills to your children.

I taught our children how to set the table by holding my palm up and showing  left, which has 4 letters so fork  goes on left. Form a sign with fingers for a b and that reminds you to put the bread plate on left. Right has 5 letters so knife and spoon go on right.  Again form a letter with your  right thumb and fingers and it will be a d, which reminds you to put the drink on the right.

Don’t say don’t

When you have made the decision to not only model good behavior, but actively teach it, why not do it in a mannerly, polite way?  When you start sentences with “don’t put your elbows….” or “don’t pick your nose”  kids become defensive.

Instead of telling them what you don’t want, tell them what you do want.  “I want you to put your arm on your lap when you finish cutting your meat.”  “I want you to smile at Grandma when we see her.”

Using positive words and actions, you can direct your child to more positive manners and mannerisms that will serve him or her well in life.  For instance: “I like to hear you say your name when you are calling someone.  That helps them to know who you are and keeps them from having to guess. It shows respect for them when you announce your name.”

Another way to model and teach social skills and manners to kids is to make it a family project.  Say “this week we are going to concentrate on saying thank you when someone is helpful to us.  Let’s keep track and every time we forget, we will put a nickle in the jar, not as a punishment, but to keep score on how often we forget to say thank you.  At the end of the week, we will give the money to a charity.  It will be a reminder to  all of us to remember to say thank you.”

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Are you offended when someone talks with their mouth full of food?  Can you explain why this offends you to your child?
2. Do you think manners matter in life? Are social skills important?  Why?
3. Will you make an effort to tell your child what you do want instead of what you don’t want? Do you think this will be more effective in teaching manners to your children?

PS:  Thank you for sharing this time with Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer.  If your organization would like to hire Judy to speak at a conference, please call 406-549-9813  You will be glad you did.

Cyber bullying: What is the school’s role in this? Students who are afraid and nervous about being bullied can not concentrate on learning. If technology is a boon, it can be a curse as well. School districts globally are beginning to understand there consequences for allowing bullying in any form to go during school or on school grounds.

Make Your Home the “Go-To House” Encourage Positive Friendships

© Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke—http://www.judyhwright.com

As parents and caregivers (lots of Aunties and Uncles out there) we want to encourage positive friendships with the children we love. We also like an orderly house and a minimum of noise and confusion in our house. Sometimes we have to let go of dreams of having neat homes and go with comfortable and inviting.

In order to make your home the go-to-house and encourage other kids to mingle at your home, you will need to create a safe haven with food, fun and acceptance.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs frightens many parents.

Make your home the "go-to-house" in the neighborhood and school. Provide a safe haven for kids to gather in positive friendships.

When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis. When they are in your home, you have a pulse on what is going on and can intercede if necessary.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

Some Tips On Building Community and Strengthening Kids

1. Make Your Home the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

2. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are. If your child has difficulty making and keeping friends, be sure to go the website http://www.theleftoutchild.com to find ways to help them be more likeable.

3. Don’t Criticize or Focus on One Friend. Resist the urge to criticize or refuse to allow your child to hang out with one particular person. Many kids will get defensive over friends their parent’s don’t like. We always found that when we criticized one friend that our child tended to choose one that was worse!!!
4. Don’t Blame Your Child’s Friend for His Parents. Many outstanding heroes and excellent individuals have come from horrible home situations. Just one positive mentor and example can change the life of a young person. You will be teaching respect, kindness and compassion to your child as well as the friend.

Nurturing Adults Needed to Mentor and Guide Young People

You will never know the impact you may have on the life of a child or teen when they make your house the “go-to-house.” One young woman who spent much time in our home told me later that she took notes while she was there on what a “normal family” did. She needed our home and our influence to become the successful and kind woman she is today.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you remember an adult who welcomed all the neighborhood kids in their home and nurtured their positive traits?
• Do you have an accepting position of your child’s friends or do you stand in judgment of them and their parents?
• Can you use encouraging words to empower those who come to your home or have friendships? If you are wondering the words to say, please go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a fee eBook. You will be glad you did.

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an author of over 20 books and many, many articles on life education. She is also a keynote speaker and trainer for associations and conferences. If you know of an upcoming conference please suggest the program director call to schedule Auntie Artichoke at 406-549-9813 or visit http://www.ArtichokePress.com Thanks and blessings on your important work

Positive Friendships & Self-Esteem
© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Parents, teachers, caregivers, coaches and other caring adults are concerned with how to teach values and self-esteem to the children in their lives. They wonder how to foster positive friendships and discourage those that have a negative influence.

From the moment of birth, our children are soaking up and

Self-esteem and confidence begins at birth and continues till death. We judge ourselves through words and actions of others, especially family and friends.

receiving messages from the world around them. The children learn quickly to judge themselves through the words, actions, attitudes and treatment from others.

Self-esteem, confidence and personal strength is gained by listening and sharing ideas with those who are in their “circle of influence.” Words that tell them who and what they are help them to form a self-image that will reflect their attitude towards life. Both positive and negative.

1. Be Available At Odd Times. Make sure your children know that you value them and will take or make time to share with them. If you really can’t talk right then and there, arrange a time and place and put it in your appointment book. Keep that appointment.

The best conversations we ever had were at midnight over a pizza. I am a morning person and it sometimes meant I had to have a nap so I could get up to visit when they came home from a date. It is also amazing what secrets are shared in a car coming home from a soccer game or middle school dance.

2. Make Your House the “Go-To House.” When you invite your children’s friends to spend time in your home, you create a safe harbor for many children who are afraid to go home. Make them feel welcome and try to get to know them and help them see how healthy, happy families operate. Include them in some of your family activities. Don’t worry about how much you are spending on groceries. Consider it an investment in the future.

3. Affirm Positive Friendships. Talk to your kids about their friends. Find out what they like about this friend. Help them to develop into the friend they would like to have. Rather than over-praise individual kids, talk about what a nice group of kids they are.

Peer pressure, along with bullying and drugs that frightens many parents. When your child is in a group it is easy to “group think” and make decisions, they would not normally do on an individual basis.

The more you know the other parents of your child’s friends they more they will have an extended tribe of adults who are looking out for their backs. Encourage group activities that are well chaperoned and with a purpose, rather than just “hanging out.”

You will want to go to http://www.useencouragingwords.com to claim your free ebook on confidence building. You will also want to join the community of kind, thoughtful people who want respect for all at http://www.judyhwright.com You will be glad you did.

Teach Acceptance-Build Confidence

©JudyHWright http://www.judyhwright.com

We all have weaknesses that are hard to accept. Parents, teachers and caring adults see areas that need improvement in children and want to help them build confidence.  The trick is to build confidence and acceptance without criticism and breaking the spirit.

As I have mentioned in previous articles and books, “Soar with Your Strengths.”

Determine which strengths are improvable, get to work on those and manage the rest.  For instance if your child is not good in math, but excels in woodshop, then do everything possible to encourage him in working with wood.  Find a tutor (high school or college student) to assist him in learning math in a way that makes sense for him.

The best way to build confidence and self-esteem is to find things we are good at and enjoy and do more of them.

Here Are Even More Ideas to Build Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem in Kids

Accept Imperfections — in Your Child and Yourself. Rules and high expectations can seem overwhelming to a child, who may not understand that you don’t expect her to be perfect.

One way to reassure her that it’s okay to make mistakes is to let her see you make them—and correct them or apologize.  To do so will model for your child that it is fine to be human and that mistakes are temporary teaching tools.  As we teach and model that mistakes are a part of live and that we can do better next time, it will be comforting  and not an excuse to blame others.

Use Punishment Sparingly. In my work as a parent educator, I have seen parents come down hard on a child for a minor misdeed or oversight.

Major punishment for minor misdeeds makes kids feel helpless; the result is more likely to be a power struggle between parent and child than in a lesson in how life should be lived.

Shame and guilt create confusion and self-doubt.  They are difficult and destructive emotions for all humans to overcome. If your method of discipline is shame, blame or guilt, please go to http://www.DisciplineYesPunishNo.com for many methods that are more effective and don’t break the spirit of the child.

Take or Make Time to Listen. Sometimes it feels impossible to find time to uninterrupted moments to listen to your child.  It is essential for a child to get the opportunity to talk to each parent individually, especially in single-parent, blended or divorced families.  Communicate regularly every single day.

If it is only five minutes before bed, let your child know that time is special and you will not lecture, blame or threaten, but just listen.  Trust me on this one.  You will never be sorry that you did not dismiss a confidence sharing time in order to lecture about dirty clothes on the floor.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you accept that you will have areas of weakness and strength in your talents? Claim your eBook at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com to help yourself and others be positive about life.
2. Will you build self-confidence in yourself and your children by concentrating on the strengths and managing the weak areas?
3. Will you take or make time to listen with your heart, ears and eyes when your child is sharing concerns?

About the Author

Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, the storytelling trainer is an author of over 20 books. She speaks internationally on topics of resilience, family relationships and empowerment.  To contact her to speak for your conference or organization call 406-549-9813 or see http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem = Success in Life

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Success in life, friendship, business, family dynamics and spiritual growth has self-confidence and self-esteem at the foundation.  People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnets for success and happiness everywhere they go.

As parents and caring adults you will want to share methods and techniques to build self-confidence with the young people in your circle of influence.  One of the most important part of teaching a life-skill is to improve the concept in our own lives.

Here are three more tips to help build self-esteem and self-confidence in your kids.

• Teach Them to Think for Themselves. If you continually tell them what to do and how to do it, they will be looking outward for direction and not learn to trust their intuition.  For every situation, there are at least 5 different and correct solutions.        If we always want things “Our way” they will stop trying to find creative solutions.  Critical thinking and problem-solving ability are going to be more and more important in the new economy.  Those who enter the world of work will need “soft skills” of interpersonal communication and building teamwork and cooperation.

• Give Them Roots. Much of our identity comes from the family stories and the foundation of ethics and standards that make us who we are.  We are a storytelling and story gathering species.  This is a crucial difference that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can remember, process and pass on information to the next  generation.                                                                                                                                                                                            All of us hunger to belong to a “tribe” who love and accept us.  By sharing the heritage, history and cultural background we give them roots and wings. If you need guidance on gathering, recording or telling stories, you will want to go to http://www.MontanaStoryKeepers.com

• Good Posture Shows Confidence. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self-confidence. Verbal communication is the language of information.  Non-verbal or body communication is the language of relationships.

People who slouch indicate they   aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t             consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

We have a strong identification with our bodies.  However, it is amazing to see the effects of our inner thoughts on our outer appearance.  To develop high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem it is important to integrate the body and spirit in order to have success in life.

Self-Awareness Quiz

1. Do you find yourself drawn towards those who have good posture and non-verbal communication which indicates self-esteem and self-confidence?
2. When you hear family stories that exhibit courage and confidence, does it encourage your self-esteem?
3. Do you like to work with those who are critical thinkers?  Do you find them to excel in leadership roles?

You will want to claim your powerful eBook filled with encouraging words at http://www.judyhwright.com

Be sure to check out a new book about resiliency at http://www.bouncebackperson.com

3 Self-Esteem and Confidence Messages

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

Self-esteem and confidence is the most important contribution that a parent or loving adult can make to the life of a child.  The messages received in childhood can build or destroy the self-esteem of a child and they carry over into all interactions as an adult.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are the foundation on which most other personality traits rest and will do more to determine a child’s future than any other single factor.  No matter what economic status, culture or family dynamics are present in childhood, nurturing loved ones have the greatest impact on future life.

3 Tips to Share a Message of High Self-Esteem;

1. Help Them Be Attractive. Although we don’t want to emphasis looks too much, it is a fact of life that others are drawn to those that are attractive and well groomed.  Does that mean that you should have plastic surgery on your daughter’s big ears?  Absolutely not. It means that if she is self-conscious about it, then you can help her choose a flattering haircut.

Help them fit in, with fashion of their friends. This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

1. Make eye contact. Poet Mayo Angelou says “Your eyes should light up when your child comes in the room.”  Without realizing it, we use eye contact as a primary means of conveying love, especially to children.  A child uses eye contact with his parents and care givers to feed emotionally.  The more the adults make eye contact with the child as a means of expressing their love and bonding with them, the more the child is nourished emotionally.
2. Practice Kindness and Compassion. We think of self-esteem in terms of empowerment, confidence,
   

   Self-confidence and self-esteem are built when caring adults and parents take time to give positive message of encouragment and love.

   courage and bravery.  Kindness and compassion have a softer side and so we don’t teach these characteristics as often by lecture, but rather by example and modeling. Use encouraging words in dealing with the spirits of those you love and those you come in contact with on a daily basis. Being kind is a very powerful way to make a positive difference in the world and to reflect in the gratitude of others.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you recall the self-esteem messages you received from adults when you were a child?
• Did those messages build high self-esteem and confidence or did they humiliate and demean you?
• Do you use encouraging words in personal communication to build the self-esteem and confidence of others, including children? You will want to claim your free eBook at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

Raise a Confident Kid

©Judy Helm Wright http://www.judyhwright.com

When children have a good relationship with significant adults in their formative years, it will impact and enhance their entire life.  When caring adults strive to make kids feel understood, valued and wanted they become confident and self-assured.

As confident kids feel supported and loved, they do well in school, social activities and community endeavors.  They are happier and more secure and make those around them happier and more secure also.

Confident kids have developed responsiblity and courage. They are able to take safe risks and feel competent and loved.

Confident kids gain several reliable groups of friends and learn to work out differences and handle conflict and disappointment.  As they mature and face the future with courage and self-esteem, we are blessed with a more peaceful home, community and world.

Here are Three Ways to Raise a Confident Kid

1. See them as a capable human being. This message is one that we all want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.
2. Catch them being competent. Everyone likes to be around competent people, especially those who can teach or share with other team members. When you witness your child succeed at a task, yet allow others to participate and take part in the victory, be sure to acknowledge the leadership attributes. While it is important to praise the specific mechanical or technical skill, he or she is developing “soft skills” of interpersonal relationships.
3. Develop Responsibility and Safe Risk Taking. Rights matched with responsibility can encourage confident kids.  As caring adults, you will want to give appropriate and increasing responsibility, such as doing chores and homework in a timely manner.  As a child improves in his responsibility he will feel more comfortable in feeling competent and trust-worthy.  All kids should be encouraged to take safe risks and to widen their arsenal of life skills and talents.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• As a child, I was encouraged to develop responsibility?
• I see myself as a competent adult in at least five areas. List them.
• In order to raise a confident kid, I recognize that developing a supportive relationship and giving kind guidance are important components.

If you have enjoyed this article and it has helped you to be reflective about your role as a parent or caring adult in the life of a confident kid, please leave a comment.  You will also want to gain your free eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com You will be glad you did.

© Judy Helm Wright http://www.AskAuntieArtichoke.com

I am entered in a  Ultimate Blog challenge and so rather than work on two (or ten) important projects, I decided it  would be fun to repurpose an eBook I am writing for Kindle and Amazon.

It is titled 77Ways to Build Self-Confident  Kids and hopefully will be available within the month.

Especially if I post every day.

Meanwhile, let’s give you bite-sized pieces and get some feedback. I have neglected this blog to write a book, be in a movie and have a new marvelous grand daughter Autumn.

77 Divided By 31 is What???? 

77 tips on building self-confident kids – Can you think of other ways to increase self-esteem?

Since there are 31 days in January and I have 77 tips, it does not divide easily or evenly.  So some days I will include 2 and some days will see 3, 4, or 5 tips.  That will keep you on your toes and your eye-balls peeled in this direction.

1. Help them to help themselves. Dorothy Canfield Fisher (1879-1958) says “A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary.” If you are still zipping their jacket in elementary school, will you go with them to college?

1. See them as capable human being. This is encouragement we all  want to hear from important and influential people in our lives. Telling a baby he is clever for rolling over, or a seven year old for zipping his jacket when it is cold outside are all messages that say “You are capable.”  Success breeds success and when you have instilled a foundation of confidence in the ability of the child to problem solve, they will be more willing to try harder tasks.

Self-Awareness Quiz

• Do you tell yourself and your children “Good Job” when a difficult task is accomplished?
• Did you know it is more respectful to allow others to help themselves instead of rushing in to “save them” and do the job they are capable of doing.
• How did your parents or other adults build your confidence as a kid?

About The Author

Judy Helm Wright aka “Auntie Artichoke” is an international speaker and author on resiliency and respect.  You will want to claim your eBook on Using Encouraging Words at http://www.useencouragingwords.com

You will be so glad you did.

How does your child handle disappointment? What happens when they don’t win the game, election or friend? Do they want to quit the team when they are not chosen for play?

Do they assume responsibility for their choices and decisions? Can they bounce-back when they make mistakes? Are they problem solvers and able to decide what to do next time?

Talk about Plan B

Being resilient and responsible means that sometimes you are going to lose or make mistakes. Do your kids understand that it is okay to fail sometimes?

Resilience helps people deal with stress, disadvantages or even trauma. The ability to have a plan B or to see an obstacle as a learning experience rather than a failure enhances the confidence of all of us, adult and child alike.

The road to success is made up of lots of pebbles and potholes as well as a few rocks and curves that are unexpected. The ability to bounce back from adversity and try again is a life skill that can be taught. The best teacher is assuming responsibility for areas under your control, and not blaming others or ourselves for circumstances beyond our control. Self blame is common, but can be destructive and begin a downward spiral towards low esteem and lack of confidence. It is better to understand that sometimes it is just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, the way the cookie crumbles or we can’t control how others think and act.

Help Them be Problem Solvers

Wise parents, teachers and caregivers help children to problem solve, rather than solve the problem for them. They assist the child to look creatively at other solutions and decide what to do next time. If they are open to verbalizing, don’t interrupt or put words in their mouth or tell them “Well, you shoulda, coulda, woulda.” It is their problem, have confidence in their ability to solve it.

You may want to point out their positive attributes by saying something like; “Boy, that must have hurt your feelings because you are careful to make sure everyone gets a turn.” Another powerful phrase that strengthens the resolve to find answers is to say: “I have confidence in you. You have a good mind and soul. You will come up with a solution that will be fair. If you need assistance, I am here for you.”

Allow them to be self reflective and look at the problem realistically without dwelling on what went wrong. Your part is to be a good listener and support them as they come up with plans to bounce back. You may want to ask them if they need some alone time to listen to music or play with the dog or kick the soccer ball to think about what happened and how they will handle a similar situation in the future.

Help Them be Optimistic About the Future

Self esteem is multi-dimensional: it is important to feel good about yourself in several different areas and skill sets (setting boundaries on how you want to be treated, apologizing when you are wrong, asking for what you want etc.) so that you can weather the occasional failure that life brings. Recognizing that setbacks are temporary and do not reflect on the inner core of who you are helps children move on quickly from disappointments. When the adults around them model positive coping strategies, it will become easier and easier to bounce back.

About the author:
Judy H. Wright is a life educator and author who is lucky enough to live in beautiful Montana. For a free report on the Power of Encouraging Words see http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com or check out www.ArtichokePress.com